Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Rumble strips road head = magical
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
