he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
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