If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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