I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
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