shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
