My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
