well you can't waste a boner
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Randomize
