ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Randomize
