can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
