I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Randomize
