ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
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