HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
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