As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
So here I am, sexting at work.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
