So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all