my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
