How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me