I can text with my tongue
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT