It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
