Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
