whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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