Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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