So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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