he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Dear god my vagina.
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