Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
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