i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Randomize
