his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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