It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
