I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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