So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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