hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
