Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
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just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
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Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
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