Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
