garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
handjob tips. give me some.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
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