Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
