i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
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