I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
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