We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
