Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
