i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Randomize
