just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
