go do what you do best...puke behind churches
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
