Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
