I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Panties = found
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize