Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Randomize
