Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
