Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Randomize
