My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
it's great music for shaving your balls
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
