i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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