Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
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