I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
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