Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
