I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
