yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
