Sacagawea was the original milf.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
