He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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