I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Randomize
