**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
sick fucks of a feather flock together
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Randomize
