If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Randomize
