just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
