Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
