Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
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Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
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Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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