OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
