I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
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