kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
