I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Randomize
