went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
