I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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