My first STD was from a foam party
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
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